Which Antipope Are You?

A Heretically Irreverent Personality Quiz

You wanted unity. You got schism. Let’s find out what kind of papal pretender you really are.

Question 1 of 5

What’s your reason for claiming the papacy?

The Church has gotten too soft. Time for some old-school discipline. The last pope was elected under shady conditions. I'm the real deal. Look, somebody has to restore order—and I’m available. God told me in a dream. Also, I printed my own papal seal on a t-shirt.

Question 2 of 5

How do you announce your papal reign?

A stern theological tract outlining your grievances. A formal coronation with full royal support and excellent wine. A council of experts nominates you—after rejecting literally everyone else. A YouTube video filmed in your garage.

Question 3 of 5

What’s your papal fashion vibe?

Simple robes. Sackcloth optional. Lavish vestments, gold rings, maybe a velvet throne. Traditional but tasteful. You've got funding. Cassock, flip-flops, and a cross you got on Etsy.

Question 4 of 5

Your biggest threat is:

Lax bishops who forgive too easily. That other pope in Rome who keeps excommunicating people. The Council that keeps trying to “fix” everything. Vatican II. Obviously.

Question 5 of 5

How do you want to be remembered?

As a martyr for true doctrine. As the legitimate pope—history will vindicate you! As the guy who reluctantly wore the tiara, then quietly retired. As the last real pope. In the world. Ever.

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